It all started with a not very good start.
I was born in Toronto, Ontario, Canada in 1975. I have lived in Toronto most of my life with time spent in Hamilton, Pittsburgh, Chicago, and New York.
I worked in capital markets as a trader and then a researcher. But my bad start haunted me. There were many good things – I had money, a good job, friends, romantic relationships. But my inner experience was riddled with shame, anxiety, insecurity and sadness. It came out in my job performance – lack of focus, over-sensitivity. It came out in my health – drinking too much, gaining and losing weight in cycles. It came out in my relationships – I let people who were not kind become close to me. I could not settle into love. And I got hurt. Badly. I could not escape the early models of relationship that had formed my inner structure.
Therapy really took off when I returned to Toronto and found Kim. Our work was painstaking. I can now see how much she bore. It took a long time. For a long while she was the only person who I talked to. Really talked. A couple years in I entered a group that she led. A couple years after that I began training at the Centre where she did her training. Through work with Kim and my groups I changed. I learned that what I felt was human and thus understandable. And it was possible that people would hear it. I learned that when I speak authentically people are drawn to me. I cracked open – feeling longing, and love. I became less afraid to show my mess. And I wasn’t willing to compromise too much in work or love.
What I needed in a therapist was someone who was able to give me emotional space. Who could go with me where I needed to go without shutting me down. My therapist’s ability to do this attracted me to her training – I wanted to be able to do this too. That is why there is so much on this site about therapist training – because being a therapist is not about techniques and our money-obessed society tries to reduce it to this repeatedly.
When I started training to be a therapist I began a journey of conversations and friendship that absorbed me. I felt free from the confines of corporate conversation and excited by the possibilities of a life with new ideas and close connections with people. A life where speaking my experience in the moment was of value to others. I was drawn in by the rich tradition of writers in psychoanalysis, psychology, and philosophy on whom the practice is based.
Therapy is so much more than a health care treatment option. It is a way of life for me. And I hope to share this understanding because there is so much available to each of us.
For fun I love cooking – pretty much every night. Too many nights on the road in my previous job have inured me to restaurants in all but the most ‘food full of love’ situation. I love cats and my cat Twokay in particular. I dream of writing a biography of Ydessa Hendeles. I love to travel and am working towards a day when I can go to Kripalu more often.